Hummer viagra and armchair patriots

My fellow citizens are now so pumped-up about the unique genius, virtue and power that permits, indeed calls, them to destroy and kill masses of people on the other side of the world (while Americans themselves can remain in family rooms watching entertainment "news" or roar down the asphalt in 10 mpg "SUVs"), that, according to a new Los Angeles Times poll, they are already anxious to take on Iran, probably Syria as well, and perhaps tomorrow the rest of the world, unless those foreigners quickly shed whatever makes them so foreign.

For at least one aging, fat plutocrat in Marin County, California, a Hummer H2 seems to work better than viagra, even if it's not nearly as monstrous as the vehicle he'd really like to strap on. A NYTimes "Business Day" article on April 5 says that sales remain strong for America's favorite 4-wheel-drive penile enlargements during these dark days of war.

But some Hummer drivers, inundated like the rest of America by war news, feel especially patriotic behind the wheel now.

"When I turn on the TV, I see wall-to-wall Humvees, and I'm proud," said Sam Bernstein, a 51-year-old antiquities dealer who lives in Marin County, Calif., and drives a Hummer H2, an S.U.V. sibling of the military Humvee.

"They're not out there in Audi A4's," he said of the troops. "I'm proud of my country, and I'm proud to be driving a product that is making a significant contribution."

"If I could get an A1 Abrams [it weighs 60 tons], I would," he added with a smile, referring to the tank, "but I don't know if California would allow it."

I suspect that when we go off to Iran Boom Boom Bernstein will be right there with the rest of the stay-at-home-patriot war mongers, pushing our boys and girls into real Humvees and A1 Abrams tanks, but staying high and dry in Marin County in his shiny boulevard version. The LATimes article suggests just how eager so many of us are for more real action, at least if we don't have to risk our own lives:
. . . substantial portions of the public are willing to consider military action against other potential threats in the area. "I just think that the Middle East itself will never fall into a peaceful solution unless some of the people who are supporting terror are finally rooted out," said Don Seward, who runs a small real estate business in Western Springs, Ill.

Americans are divided almost in half when asked whether the United States should take military action against Syria, which Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld has accused of providing Iraq with military supplies. Syria has denied the accusation. But 42% said the United States should take action if Syria, in fact, provides aid to Iraq, while 46% said no.

More Americans take a hard line on Iran, which recently disclosed an advanced program to develop the enriched uranium that could be used in nuclear weapons.

Exactly half said the United States should take military action against Iran if it continues to move toward nuclear-weapon development; 36% disagreed.

So, is an Audi A4 un-American? And if I were able to buy something as small as the very grown-up, 80 mpg Smart coupe in this brave country of ours, would I be stoned at the wheel by my neighbors?